An American girl, a French girl and an African girl are traveling in a plane. The plane is about to crash. The American girl puts on make-up. Everyone was curious. "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first!" she said. The French girl opens her bra, "the rescuers will save a girl with beautiful breasts!" she said. Then the African girl removes her knickers and says "f*ck off, they always look for the black box first .....

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Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.



"Yeah teach?" he replies.



"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.



Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."



"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.



"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"



The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."



Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"



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Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.



Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no



good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.






After some time he realizes he was nasty and



decides to make amends and rings her up.



She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,



'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'



She says, 'I was in bed.'



'In bed this early, doing what?'



'Getting a second opinion!'



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A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady,



And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:



'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.



I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.



Those are my rules. Any comments?'



His new bride said:



'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s*x here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'



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A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the



Head with a frying pan.



'What was that for?' the man asked.



The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on



it that I found in your pants pocket'.



The man then said, 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name



of the horse I bet on'



The wife apologized and went on with the housework.



Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the



head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.



Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.



Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'



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A Kid asks: 'Daddy? How did I come into this world?



The Daddy Answered: ' Well, my child, someday I'll have



to tell you any way,



The Kid asked again: 'So why not today?' The Dad



Respond: Please, listen carefully:



Mom and Dad met each other in an internet café. In the



bathroom of that café, dad connected to mom.



Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory



stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we didn't use



any firewall.



Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we



ended up with a virus.'



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